For years I struggled with speaking to groups.

I felt so vulnerable. I would get anxious, stumble my words, and rush through presentations.

And when it was over, I would feel so frustrated with myself..

If I could just be more confident…

If I could just get rid of the anxiety…

I was in a constant battle with my vulnerability.

But at some point I got tired of fighting, and I started to get curious about my anxiety and my belief that I wasn’t good enough.

I started paying attention to what was actually happening inside me. The sensations. The emotions. The thoughts and assumptions. The deeper vulnerability underneath it all.

And that simple act of turning towards my fear instead of trying to get rid of it…

That changed everything.

I was still awkward in front of groups. I still got sweaty.

But I discovered something underneath the anxiety.

A deep care. A longing.

I realized how important genuine, powerful, transmissive communication is to me. How deeply I’ve been impacted when others speak from a place of truth and vulnerability. And how I aspire to be one of those voices.

My shadow became the doorway

In our live podcast, with Bob Anderson, he describes shadow as “contracted essence.”

It’s an essential piece of us that has become wrapped in fear, shame, protection, or old survival strategies.

But at its core, it is light. Truth. Life. All waiting to be unwound.

The shadow of my anxiety revealed something essential about who I am — that part of my path is helping create conversations that matter.

And now, one of my very favorite things is being on a live call with you — our Coaches Rising community — seeing the hundreds of faces appear on the screen from around the world.

And that’s the real gem in it all…

Because I didn’t just overcome an obstacle. I found something I deeply love. Something I’m built for.

And it’s the same for all of us.

The things we struggle with — those core issues that can feel like they’re in the way of the life we want…

They are the way.

Our shadows are the doorway to our gifts — revealing something essential that wants to emerge through us.

Love

There’s a beautiful line from Elizabeth Gilbert:

“Sometimes love just needs to be in the room, and that presence is enough.”

We often approach ourselves as projects to improve.

But many of our deepest transformations begin when we stop trying to force change and bring awareness, curiosity, and compassion to what is already here.

And paradoxically, that is often when something begins to move.

Not because we conquered it.

Not because we got rid of it.

But because what was frozen in rejection starts to soften in the presence of acceptance. What we once suppressed, we now safely express.

And when that happens, what once looked like shadow often reveals itself as untapped essence.

Not an obstacle to our growth.

But a doorway into it.

With care,
Joel